Nostalgic Death.

I miss feeling lightweight. I miss not belonging to anyone and having my space and freedom. I miss being able to fast for a whole month straight during Ramadan. I miss taking long rides to the beach by myself at 1 o'clock in the morning to go skinny dipping in the ocean. I miss being able to give my time and attention to the moon. I miss doing bear crawls and hitting a bag. I miss holding on tight on the motorcycle while unforgivably pushing past the speed limit. I miss unexpected and uninvited appearances in the middle of the night while I was asleep. I miss my commitment to green tea. I miss holding my son when he was small. I miss listening to him struggle to put words together to make a sentence. I miss writing papers. I miss Saturday morning runs at Over Peck. I miss having a date night with my siblings. I miss us being younger and closer than ever before. I miss the feeling I use to get whenever "he" use to show me off. I miss seeing the light show in the city every Christmas. I miss getting on that stage before that crowd and letting everything go to morph into someone new. I miss how liberating it felt to live out someone else and their story. I miss my art and my creativity. I miss writing. I miss the warm sensations that use to rush all over my body when driving carefree....no destination and admiring all the decorative street lights and how after reaching a high they would all fade into a fuzzy blur. I miss getting lost in my music and how it moved me to tears. I miss being someone's special secret. I miss my loneliness. I miss rocking it to R&B in front of my mirror while checking myself out. I miss random smiles and laughing to myself. I miss resisting. I miss being fearless. I miss proving someone wrong. I miss giving my affection to you. I miss lighting my candles and my incense. I miss the smoke clouds that my hookah used to make and how they would fill my kitchen. I miss how at events or celebrations, the music would be too loud to hear one another, so we would have to use our energies, our eye contact, and our body language to communicate. I miss how everything would cancel out around me and everything would become centered......Sometimes I come back, like the electrical activity on an ECG. The end of the year is nearing, and I hope on resuscitating.