How did I go from being such a vibrant, youthful, spirited woman to becoming a bland, unhappy, and depressed soul. You know sometimes I feel like praying thinking that maybe if I became more religious or faith-drawn that somehow all my bad luck would go away, but then again I don't know how. I don't know God or religion. I can preach on and on to my own son about how God sees all and that God evaluates you and about how there's a heaven and a hell. I'm only as clueless and as vulnerable as he is. Then, there's a part of me that simply doesn't fall for any of it. We are all science and biology. Or is that all? Last night, I lit an incense. I have a whole bunch of them in one of my kitchen drawers and had forgotten about them. I don't remember exactly where I'd heard this from (or maybe even read), but when the incense smoke travels tumultuously in different directions and forms a cloud, it indicates that there is strong negative energy around. If it travels in a calm, smooth, and steady line, there is none. It burnt in its entirety before I even remembered to notice...... I stared at the remains of the incense thinking how did it get so bad to the point where I'm not even aware of the presence let alone my own being. I guess this is what happens when your soul is so ill and neglected. Sometimes I listen to the Quran when I'm alone. The sounds comfort me even though I don't understand what's being recited. I don't care to know, it still aligns with my consciousness the way music does. I don't know how to move forward with this post, so ill end here for now.